Love is a beautiful thing. We are often born into love, but it transforms as we go through life and get older. There is often love within a family, love with friends, and love within a romantic relationship among other things. In romantic relationships, you may fall deeply in love and be secure in your relationship. Then when life really happens, what can take place? The relationship may not survive, or the relationship continues but happiness is not there. This is where counseling can be of help.
Counseling is a psychology-based service. It is used in managing mental health, support in school, and marriage/family conflict resolution among other reasons. Just having someone listen to you and help you navigate the emotions surrounding various areas of life can be beneficial. If the commitment to each other is there, having an outside voice can’t hurt. What’s done in the earliest of moments transforms as circumstances change with time. Knowing how to not be blinded by the deeply in love phase and seeing the person for who they are before ‘it gets real” is important. Because in all relationship’s things happen whether they’re something small or something bigger.
I’ve had pre-marital counseling as well as counseling after marriage counseling. The pre-marital counseling was with an ancestral spiritual leader who officiated my wedding. The counseling after was with someone who had a professional degree. One is no better than the other, so finding a space you feel comfortable in is most important. There are many topics that can be discussed, and below you will find a list.
- Relationships with family/friends: We all have different relationships with our family and friends. They can be good and/or bad, but they can affect how we navigate life and how we love. Having an idea of each other’s background and current status with them can be of importance. For example, some people grow up in families who always say “I love you.” Others don’t say it at all. If these are words you expect regularly, understanding why your spouse may not feel the same way is important.
- Money Habits: We all make money and then spend money differently. Having a taste of someone’s finances can truly affect a long-term relationship. You may be someone who prefers a semi-frugal lifestyle while your spouse likes lavish things. Finance is one of the top five causes of divorce, so it’s very important.
- Career goals: We all have dreams and aspirations that take time to meet. In the process this may take away quality time together or even affect finances. For example, if you work in healthcare and you dream of opening a restaurant soon, these are conversations to have.
- Family Planning: To have children or not to have children? To have children now or to have them later? Having pre-existing medical conditions that may affect fertility. All good information to discuss.
- Roles and responsibilities: Household duties, paying bills, etc.
- Religion: Having different faiths can work, but how you move forward within them is something to discuss. Especially if you plan to start a family where more of the religious pressures may come into play.
With romantic love, having discussions and setting intentions in 2025 and beyond can be good. The earlier an open line of communication happens the more successful long-term relationships can be in a time where swiping from one to the next dominates. There’s one week left until the day of love. Hopefully the winter relationships can make it past the holiday itself because love and the work needed to maintain it is an every day thing.